


The Awakening

by Ryu_Reikai_Akuma



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Arguing, Courtship, Dwarf Courting, Injury, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Meddling Mother, Misunderstandings, Rejection, Some Humor, Soulmates, Uncle/Nephew Incest, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 14:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma/pseuds/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma
Summary: After decades of waiting, Thorin finally found his One. He didn’t waste time to propose to him and realized too late that he was too hasty. Now, he tried to win back Kili’s favor and hoped that on the way they might fall in love with each other.





	The Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> I’m late for Christmas and New Year but I’m not late yet for winter! Story background: A couple of years ago I woke up from an afternoon nap (I have a weird sleeping schedule. Sue me. Actually, no, don’t sue me. I’m poor) because I thought someone called my name. It was weird because it was my real name and I almost never even think of myself using that name – I call myself Ryu in my head. I’ve wanted to turn it into a story, though I usually dislike soulmate AUs, but I couldn’t find any good plot yet until some months ago when I saw a post on tumblr saying that there’s no mention of Thorin’s mother being dead. So, a story was born. Title taken from a poem by Rumi. Thorin’s mom’s name found after spending hours on dwarf name generator sites (very few names end with ‘is,’ dammit). Enjoy?

The crowd cheered when he passed the gate of Ered Luin. Thorin nodded to them, catching the eyes of as many people as he could in the near-chaos that was only barely controlled by guards keeping people away from the road to give way to him. Such a magnificent welcome for a traveller was hardly ever heard of, unless said traveller was the dwarf King followed by his most loyal guards. For many decades he had travelled, building and reinforcing alliances in all corners of Middle Earth. He enjoyed his work, his power, and he loved the thrill of negotiation (though he still had little patience for diplomacy) but even he grew weary. He had been gone for so long, spending decades in distant colonies to give them proper attention and ensure their loyalty. It was time for him to return home.

No. Not home. Ered Luin wasn’t his home – Erebor was. Thorin, Thrain and Thror might have founded this colony and settled there since their forced removal from Erebor, but it wasn’t home. The mistake was easy to make since that was where his remaining family was, but Thorin was careful not to make the mistake too often. He had to remain focused, not get distracted by the new comfortable settlement. One day, he must go to the east and reclaim Erebor. Ered Luin was but a temporary place to stay. He must never forget that.

Nevertheless, Thorin allowed himself to smile when he saw the gate into the mountain was opened for him. The crowd shuffled along to see him for as long as they could before the gate closed behind him and his pony quietly but solidly. Inside, there was another type of crowd welcoming him, orderly rows of servants and guards bowing before him, led by his sister whom Thorin had entrusted with managing his massive household while he was away. Dis bowed to him before drawing him into a tight hug that Thorin returned with similar affection and relief. He had been gone for so long and, home or not, he was glad to return to where his family was. Knowing what an efficient manager Dis was and hearing from her weekly through letters never fully removed Thorin’s anxiety. He knew too well how hundreds of guards and stone walls and gates couldn’t fully protect anyone. He knew, too, the dangers of politics and greed. Necessary though his travel was, he cursed it for keeping him from where he could ensure his family’s wellbeing.

“How are you?” Thorin asked as he released her.

Dis smiled widely, her eyes as bright as the sapphires around her neck and hanging from her ears. “I’m very well. And, as you can see, I haven’t run this colony to the ground,” she said mischievously.

Thorin laughed. “I must’ve returned too early if you haven’t managed that.”

“Oh, not too early! Five decades are too long! I expect you to stay here for as long at least!”

Dis was never as driven to return to Erebor as he was, but Thorin didn’t blame her. It was here in Ered Luin that she had found her One and built a family with him. It was also here that Vilir had passed away at an age far too young in a battle with rogue goblins. Then, it was also in Ered Luin that she continued her life, now dedicated almost entirely to managing Thorin’s private and public households. Her entire life was here. She was anchored to the Blue Mountains the way Thorin wasn’t and didn’t allow himself to be. So, he didn’t argue with her demand, though he knew that he would go without hesitation should duty of any kind called.

“Everything is well, I hope? Dwalin mentioned nothing significant in his latest letter but I know he fears angering you,” he teased her.

Dis sniffed haughtily though the corner of her lips quirked up. “Who are the fools who dare oppose me? The dwarf army obeys only you, but I have my sons!”

Indeed among the regular reports of vast matters of governance, Dis never failed to mention her sons. She was generous with her praises – if not for supporting reports from Thorin’s trusted advisors, he wouldn’t believe them himself. These praises had led to a major decision in the succession of their kingdom, but Thorin wanted to see for himself his heirs and their skills before he made any proper announcement. “And where are these excellent sons of yours?” Thorin grinned, looking around them, quite eager to see what the children he had left behind decades ago had grown to become.

Dis’ forehead instantly furrowed in disapproval but before she could explain her sons’ absence, loud footsteps came from the depth of the mountain. The servants and guards stirred but didn’t move as two dwarfs approached, one in a run and the other in a brisk walk. From the servants and guards’ reaction and the way the dwarfs dressed, it was clear that these were Dis’ sons he had just inquired about. Certainly their looks corresponded to the vague memory he had of them – one golden and the other dark. Thorin had half a mind to chide them for their lateness but he was interrupted by an enthusiastic call.

“Thorin!” Kili, who ran in front of his older brother, shouted, his voice echoing in the massive hall.

Thorin’s admonishments died on his tongue while Dis sighed in fond exasperation. “Perhaps I’m not as successful in every regard as I’d like you to believe.” Then, to Kili, she gave a glare when he had stood before her and Thorin. Fili followed closely behind him and gave both her and Thorin an apologetic look. “Have I not told you not to be late?”

“We just wanted to give Thorin a surprise!” Kili said in defense, his face melting into a look that was impossible to be upset to. “We’ve caught a deer.”

“Uncle, Mother, we apologize. We tried to return on time but the deer was quite a runner,” Fili said politely. He had imitated his perfectly-mannered caretaker from a young age and showed impeccable manners before almost everyone. Kili, however, had always preferred his parents’, and even Thorin’s, casual speeches – their stations generally allowed them to be less than perfectly polite to people. While Fili always hesitated to call Thorin’s name, Kili never shied from it, having addressed him as Thorin since he was old enough to say it.

“We’ve asked the cook to prepare it for lunch. It should be ready soon,” Kili added to soften his punishment.

Dis glared at him some more, seemingly knowing that it was him who had started this idea and dragged his older brother along in it. When Kili looked down, chastised, she finally sighed and shook her head. “It’d better be a big deer.”

“Oh, very! We didn’t expect it to run so fast, did we, Fili?” Forgetting his troubles almost instantly, Kili grinned to his brother.

“Let’s go inside. You should rest before we enjoy your nephews’ surprise for you. I’ve had your chambers and attendants ready,” Dis said to Thorin.

“Good,” Thorin said, snapping into awareness. He started toward the depth of the mountain, Dis right behind him while his nephews stepped aside to give him way respectfully. Thorin tried to keep his composure but couldn’t help but glance at his curious sister-son as he walked past him.

Kili grinned to him cheerfully, his brown eyes almost golden in this light. “Welcome home, Thorin.”

Thorin said nothing and tightly reined his reaction. But, there was no way to keep his scarred heart from beating faster. He had found his One.

* * *

Unfortunately, not all dwarfs met their Ones. Some spent their lives alone, while others grew love on their own without the guide of destiny. The path for these courageous ones weren’t easy. There were risks and failures and too many broken hearts. They who failed or chose to walk the winding road of life alone were embraced with understanding and compassion, while those who succeeded in creating happiness were greatly admired, sung in reverence almost as often as warriors who strode unflinching into bloody wars. Dwarfs were better known for their violent nature, but the truth was some of the songs that echoed in dark nights in bloody wars were songs of love never found, love lost, love won, and love predestined.

To this last category not many dwarfs belonged. More complicated still, no one knew for certain whether they belonged in it or not until fate led them to their Ones. Stories were repeated for centuries of these very lucky dwarfs. Thorin still heard about how Gloin dreamt of wildfire for nights on end, raging fire enveloping him in warmth instead of heat, until he met a lady dwarf with fire in her lips, hair, and heart. Dis herself had just sworn her life to her family when one day a trail of blue veins on the walls of the Blue Mountain suddenly caught her eyes and beckoned her. She walked and walked for hours until in the depth of the mountain she was met halfway by a young guard following the same path on the stone. Thorin’s own parents had met in similarly strange fashion: Thrain’s most faithful raven, a grouchy old thing that pecked at anyone but his master, had suddenly flown from his side and to the shoulder of young dwarf lass with raven wings on her back. For Thorin himself, fate led him with a shout.

Thorin still remembered that strange day. He had been uncharacteristically tired despite it being early in the day, almost falling asleep while reading endless reports on the affairs of his broken kingdom. Thinking that he had fallen ill, he had given up and taken a short nap on a divan by the window in his study, summer sun keeping his imagined sickness at bay. He couldn’t remember how long he had slept, but he vividly remembered waking up with a sharp gasp, a stranger’s voice in his ears calling his name. So clear the voice had been, so happy and yet so urgent, calling for and winning his undivided attention. He hadn’t been able to recognize the voice, other than that it belonged to a male and that he must find out who it was that had found a way into his heart and mind even in absence. He had just begun to think to look for the person who had that voice when a messenger came with important news that Dis had just given birth to a son.

Today, many decades after that fateful day, Thorin sat across that son, dumbfounded. The helpless crying babe he had held in his arms that day had transformed into a strong lad with joy and danger in his eyes and in his hands. He could scarcely believe it, having almost convinced himself that he would spend the rest of his life on his own. When that strange dream failed to bring him to anyone, he had thought it a mere product of exhaustion, though he could never explain why he could never forget that voice, as if he somehow knew that it was significant. He should’ve known that indeed fate hadn’t disappointed him and had in fact led him directly to his One: Kili, his sister-son.

That little detail gave Thorin a pause. It wasn’t unheard of for nobilities to marry within their own families, but it was still uncommon. In fact, it was a testament of how long he had spent his years among Man that he briefly thought it was wrong. But, unlike Man, dwarf blood was strong, not easily ruined by inbreeding. Further, there would be no child produced in this relationship, would it? Thorin surreptitiously studied Kili. He wasn’t as big or hairy as dwarf fashion demanded, and there was a strange elfin feature about him that made Thorin wonder about his sister for one second, but he was very much a dwarf lad. In terms of looks, while not what a dwarf would call desirable, he was still acceptable. And, if past reports could be held accountable, then his skills and battle experiences would more than make up for what he lacked.

Any lingering strangeness regarding their kinship was eliminated as lunch progressed and Thorin found himself facing a stranger. He had left Kili a young child, rambunctious and heedless of all but his immediate needs. Now, Thorin found him a spirited young lad with courage that bordered on recklessness and an abundance of interests, experiences and plans. Kili gleefully informed him of his frequent hunting trips, all of which leading to some kind of a feast. Boars, deer, rabbits, pheasants, and even bears and wolves had fallen at the end of his arrows (unusual choice of weapon that they should discuss about in the future.) He had also taken the lowly job of guarding merchants into distant cities. Dis seemed to not fully approve of this but the outcome was a rather vast knowledge of the world beyond their colony, an important thing for a prince to have. His works for his mother were similarly impressive, though Thorin had inkling that he didn’t speak all of it, if the covert glances between him, Fili and Dis were any indication. Good, the lad could keep secrets. That was an important skill, especially if he was to join the reconnaissance team as he had carefully implied. His more personal life was still unknown, but overall Thorin found him mostly satisfactory. The only clear disadvantage was that he would lose a spare heir as it wasn’t acceptable to have a prince consort double as a potential king, but Thorin trusted Fili to be reasonable and capable, removing any need for back-up. In all, Thorin would be pleased to have Kili beside him, serving and being devoted to him.

Having made up his mind, Thorin approached Kili when the small feast finally ended. “Kili, a word with me in my rooms if your brother can spare you.”

Kili and Fili exchanged a confused look before Kili shrugged. “Of course.”

Thorin led him to his study in his apartment where privacy was guaranteed. Kili said nothing on the way, which seemed out of character for him from what little Thorin had learnt about him, until he glanced at the lad and found him curiously studying his surroundings. He seemed quite impressed by the grandiose of the king’s chambers, but mostly he only seemed to take in the view. Thorin wondered how he would react to Erebor if he was already fascinated by Ered Luin. The halls in the Lonely Mountain were bigger, the ceilings taller, the carvings more detailed and intricate, the luxury more opulent and the history far longer. This was but a fraction of what Thorin used to have, beautiful though it was. And, true, Thorin could appreciate the beauty of something he had helped built from the ground, something he had made instead of received, something that represented hope and perseverance instead of distant dreams. But, Ered Luin was still not Erebor.

“I take it that you’ve never been here,” Thorin observed once the door to his study closed behind him and Kili.

“Mother keeps her office in her own apartment,” Kili said. “Fili and I are not allowed to come here.”

Thorin raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Kili grinned at this observation. “We might have explored it a little bit, though we’ve never gotten this far.”

Thorin huffed. He sat down at the divan by the window and nodded to the empty space beside him. Kili didn’t hesitate to obey, sitting down beside him with the familiarity of two people who hadn’t parted for even a day. The ease with which he conducted himself around others was something Thorin couldn’t quite decide on. On one hand, he admired Kili’s gift in making friends, a skill Thorin himself couldn’t quite master. However, on the other hand, he believed Kili should be more cautious, even suspicious, around some people. Thorin wished him no harm, but he couldn’t say the same about others, especially once Kili was made the prince consort. He might be able to defend and protect himself, and there would be guards around him, but precaution and prevention were always better.

“What do you know of the concept of the Ones in our people?” Thorin began.

Kili raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting the question. “What everyone else knows: That some have them and others not, and either way happiness can still be found. Why did you ask?”

Deciding that the answer was acceptable, Thorin explained himself. “About six decades ago, a sudden lethargy overcame me, so I took a nap on this very divan to relieve it. I can’t tell you what I dreamt of, but I can tell you why I woke up.” He looked straight into Kili’s eyes to make sure he had his attention. “A shout. A stranger calling my name as if directly to my ears although I was alone. It could’ve been a common dream, but I know it was not. It felt important, urgent, and it refuses to be forgotten.”

“It’s your One!” Kili cried. His excitement died down quickly, however. “Oh. But, you’re still…”

“Before I could think to look, I was called away as your mother had given birth to you,” Thorin continued. “There were also others things that required my attention, as you can probably guess, and I must admit that I forgot all about it for a while. When I remembered again and failed to find anyone within a reasonable amount of time, I told myself it was only a dream, except that I couldn’t quite believe it myself. I knew it was significant. I knew it was leading me to someone, though I didn’t know who. I kept my ears open but I still couldn’t find the person with that voice. That is until today, when you came to welcome me and called my name. I realized then that I _have_ been brought to my One the day I had that dream. It was you all along.” Thorin nodded to himself, feeling quite satisfied with his situation now that he had heard the series of events leading to this moment spoken loudly. “I called you here now to ask for your hand in marriage.”

Kili’s expression could only be described as comical. He was wide eyed and slack-jawed, frozen in the moment. It highlighted his youth, or at least his poor control over himself. Thorin had to bite back reprimand that it was an expression that didn’t befit a prince as he supposed it was shocking to have a king propose to him. Better-mannered lords and ladies might react the same way, so why not Kili? Thorin would let it slide this once, although he would have to have a _real_ word on the proper behaviors and attitudes of a prince consort.

“ _Me_?” Kili cried in disbelief.

“Yes, you. Tonight, I will tell Dis. I suspect she will be quite shocked, but I think she will understand. We’ll leave the wedding preparation to her – I have duties to attend to and I think you will find the whole affair…”

“No!”

Thorin frowned. “No?”

“No!” Kili repeated, rearing away from him. “Thorin, I don’t even know you well!”

“Yet you treat me with such familiarity,” Thorin pointed out. “We’ll get to know each other,” he said dismissively.

“I don’t love you!”

“We’ll love each other.”

“How would you know that?”

“We’re meant to be. You will love me and I will love you.”

“And if we won’t?”

“We _will_.”

“But, Uncle!”

Thorin flinched, understanding the meaning behind the change Kili’s address to him. “To what do you object?”

Kili gestured broadly. “Everything! This is all wrong! I haven’t met you in decades! This morning was the first time we met and talked since you left!”

“That’s something time can easily remedy.” Thorin crossed his arms. “We can learn about each other and to love each other when we’re married.”

“And if we never learn? If we’re never happy?” Kili demanded.

“Have you met anyone married to their One who isn’t happy?” Thorin raised an eyebrow. He waved his hand. “If there’s something you find unsatisfactory, you may tell me and I will change it or get you something new.”

Kili frowned deeply. “If you think you can just order or buy things to make me happy, then I will not find happiness with you.”

The firmness of Kili’s tone stunned Thorin. He had had the impression that Kili was easily bent. At the very least Thorin had thought it would be easy to use his obvious admiration to him to his advantage. However, he could tell from the firm set of Kili’s jaws and the look in his eyes that Kili had made up his mind and nothing would make him change it. It baffled Thorin, who had expected a meek agreement if not an enthusiastic one. After all, who would oppose fate? Why would anyone even try? To Thorin, the conclusion of their situation was obvious. They should marry and let life settle all the details of their relationship. He wasn’t so concerned about any potential for conflict since fate wouldn’t bring them together if they weren’t perfectly suited for each other. He knew for certain they would have a good content marriage free from unpleasant disagreement. However, Kili clearly didn’t think the same.

Thorin studied Kili grimly. “I never thought you’re a romantic,” he said dryly.

“I am not,” Kili denied. “I’m only looking out for my future.” That he believed his future with Thorin was bleak was unsaid but understood. Kili stood up before Thorin could persuade or coerce him. “May I take your leave?”

Surprised yet again by Kili’s boldness, Thorin could only nod. Within seconds he was left alone in his study to recount his failed proposal. Perhaps he was more shocked than he thought because he couldn’t muster anger or even embarrassment. All he could feel was confusion. They were supposed to be happy. Thorin was supposed to announce his intention to his sister and then his people and he and Kili should be married within months. Kili was supposed to be supportive of him, performing his duties as a royal consort in public and a husband in private. Yet, here Thorin was, rejected, confused, and alone. He wondered how his long awaited meeting with his One could go so wrong.

* * *

Dinner miraculously went well. The lords and ladies invited to the magnificent feast to welcome Thorin successfully kept him away from Kili. Though they sat at the same table, they didn’t talk. Thorin was occupied by the changes in the faces in Ered Luin and Kili was occupied by his brother. The few times Thorin caught glimpses of him, Kili seemed to be his usual self, laughing at jokes and telling exciting stories to anyone who would listen. The only opportunity for them to talk came and went very quickly when Kili announced that he wanted to dance and immediately slipped away with Fili to join other dancers at the center of the hall before Thorin could think to join him. From his seat at the highest table in the hall, Thorin had the perfect view of Kili happily laughing and dancing as if he had no trouble in the world. Perhaps he didn’t. Perhaps he had forgotten Thorin’s proposal now that he had turned it down. Perhaps he had lost all care for Thorin now that he had exposed himself to be disagreeable. Thorin wouldn’t call himself devastated or jealous or any other juvenile things, but he must admit that he was disappointed for having so little effect on his One.

Thorin left the mountain the next day to the outskirt of Ered Luin. It was a trip he rarely made but he felt compelled to do in the present circumstance. He took his pony and several guards to a beautiful house half-hidden among tall forest trees. It had the peculiar style once found in Dale, a tall house with many windows and balconies. A lone tower stood on one side to allow view over the trees toward the city, although Thorin knew the occupant of the house no longer went there due to age. The security was left to guards usually scattered about the place – all of them now standing in a neat line to welcome him. One took his pony as he went inside the house to be greeted by loyal servants and the mistress of the house, a grey dwarf lady who smiled at the sight of him. Thorin bowed before her before embracing her warmly.

“Mother. I hope you are well,” he greeted her.

Almaiz patted her son’s cheek affectionately. “How can I not be when you’re here with me? Join me in my drawing-room. The maid will bring tea for us.”

Thorin followed his mother to the drawing-room, a nicely-situated room with view to both the road leading to the house and a small garden on the side of the house. It was warm and bright at this time of the day, which was why Almaiz spent most of her time there. The cold air inside the mountain no longer agreed with her ageing bones and neither did the stairs leading to the warmest chambers. It was by her request that Thorin constructed this house to better accommodate her, although he had always loathed not being able to watch over her easily. The guards he had stationed around the house seemed insufficient to him, but it was the best he could do without confining her. In the past, he had had her servants deliver news to him every week and he hoped that Dis continued this arrangement or made a better one.

The maid had just closed the door behind her after serving tea and biscuits when Almaiz leaned toward Thorin. “Have you any news of your father?”

Although he had expected this very question and prepared a reply, Thorin couldn’t help a regretful expression. Even now, decades after Thrain had disappeared, she still hoped to hear about him. Every time Thorin visited, it was her first question and every time she was disappointed. “Unfortunately, no.”

Almaiz’s disappointment was painful to see, but there was nothing Thorin could do – lying would only make things worse. He wondered how she managed to remain hopeful when all others would fall into despair and resignation – Thorin himself had abandoned any hope decades ago that Thrain was still alive. They sat in silence for a moment before she managed to compose herself. “Well, then, what news do you have of the world? You were gone for so long and sent so few letters!” she said with a wide smile.

They talked about Thorin’s travel over tea. Almaiz made inquiries about lords and ladies she had known and Thorin answered them obediently. While many of those who escaped the fall of Erebor with her had passed away, there were still some that she recognized. Almaiz expressed desire to meet them and cursed her age that kept her from such long travels. It was very regrettable because the prospect of travelling still excited her. She listened closely to Thorin’s stories about his long days on the road and his observations of the changing natures, cities, and people. Every now and then she asked him about landmarks and buildings she had visited but she was mostly content to listen. Thorin tried to provide as many details as he could although after travelling so long, many things had blurred together. The people weren’t so different in many regards and many cities were similar in style and in atmosphere. Similarly, endless expanse of fields, forests, sky, and mountain had become nothing but ignorable background to him. He had to force himself to recall his experiences, but the pleased smile on Almaiz’s face made the effort worth it.

The longer Thorin stayed, the more he felt comfortable and the more he wanted to tell his mother about his terrible encounter with his One. While he hadn’t precisely lost sleep over his failed proposal, it disconcerted him with its unexpectedness and abnormality. However, he found himself unable to discuss it with Almaiz, words on fate and feelings trapped in his mind, though he craved to voice them. In every lull in the conversation, Thorin wanted to speak them, but always failed. Instead, he found himself talking about the tedious matters of politics and economy. They were comfortingly familiar, a wall to hide safely behind. These were matters he knew, complicated as they could be at times. He had handled and solved them hundreds of times and the little variations in each issue were only mildly inconveniencing challenges. As Thorin spoke them out loud, he started a plan. First, he must know what had happened in Ered Luin in his absence – Dis had assured him that there was nothing to worry about, but he knew better than to believe her completely. The meeting would likely take a long time as he had been gone for decades, so it would likely be days before he summoned his advisors to propose several solutions and ask for some suggestions. While managing this, he must not forget the alliances he had forged and reinforced elsewhere in Middle Earth. He must remember to show that he hadn’t forgotten them the second he left the regions. Politics could be fickle and filled with too many empty promises but Thorin was determined to assure them that they could be safe in giving him their confidence and to ensure their loyalty to him.

Thorin was going on about his correspondence with Dain when Almaiz put down her cup of tea and smiled to him. “Why are you here really? Surely not to entertain your mother with your official business. You know I care not for it,” she chuckled.

Thorin was flustered. “Can’t a son visit his mother for no reason?” he lied in defense, unable to immediately admit that she was right.

Almaiz nodded, still smiling. “They can, of course, but you’re not one such sons. Your brother was, but you never come to me for nothing. Tell me what troubles you.”

Excuses and lies came to the front of Thorin’s mind. He was never one to admit weakness, especially of the emotional kind. He was a king! A dwarf king! He must be strong, as unmoved as the mountain, as brilliant as the Arkenstone. He must not be weakened by internal turmoil. Yet, Almaiz’s expectant look undid Thorin’s defenses. He had gone all this way not only to alleviate his longing for her, but also to ask for her advices for he was admittedly lost. To lie and deny was to throw himself back into that confusion that he knew deep in his heart he could never ignore. He might try to be aloof but for as long as he lived, he knew he could never find true contentment until he had his One beside him.

“I have met my One,” he finally admitted. “And I have been summarily turned away.”

Almaiz gasped and immediately held his hands. “How awful! Oh, Thorin, I cannot imagine how you must feel!”

Thorin smiled to his captured hands, feeling somehow better to know that he had someone’s sympathy, even if that someone was his own mother who was probably obligated to feel such things. “I’m quite lost. Am I wrong to assume that we’re meant to find happiness together?”

“No, of course not! You are _meant_ to be together!” Almaiz huffed and frowned in disapproval. “Tell me what happened and I will help you decide on your course. It is great fortune to have found your One, even if she foolishly doesn’t think so. You must not let her go.”

Doubt pricked Thorin, but it was too late to change his mind. He treaded carefully. His mother loved him dearly, but sometimes disappointment from broken expectations was strong enough to destroy affection. “It started decades ago. I woke up to a voice calling my name though I was alone. I looked and listened but never found anyone and grew resigned. Maybe I still had some hopes, but I was also prepared to never find anyone. That was until yesterday, when I arrived in Ered Luin and heard that unmistakable voice. I asked his hand in marriage that afternoon, but he said no and nothing I said could change his mind.”

“ _He_?” Almaiz repeated, surprised. She blinked owlishly when Thorin nodded, her hands loosening around his. She was quiet for a moment while Thorin’s hands grew clammy and his heart raced. So many thoughts and feelings crossed her face, too quickly for him to decipher, but eventually they settled on acceptance. “Well, I shouldn’t be so surprised. I did have my suspicions.”

Now it was Thorin who blinked in surprise. “You did?”

Almaiz nodded calmly. “You’ve always been very close to Dwalin.”

Thorin made a face. “Dwalin? He is a friend and that is all.”

Almaiz raised her grey eyebrow but didn’t argue. “Now, your One. You said you met him just yesterday and proposed to him hours later?” When Thorin nodded, she sighed in consternation. “Oh, Thorin, of course he refused. Destiny or not, everyone needs to be courted, even lads!”

“Courted?” Thorin repeated, baffled. “But we are meant to be. Everything will work out perfectly in some way. Why should I bother with courtship?”

“You silly child,” Almaiz gently admonished him. “Had he accepted you immediately, I would’ve thought poorly of him for rushing into marriage. Even with destiny’s assistance there are still matters to be settled before marriage. He must know your temperament, character, habits, views, and preferences, so he can make necessary compromises. You should also know and do the same. He also would want to know your design for him. You are a dwarf of many responsibilities and so will he be when he marries you. He should understand this _and_ he should be certain that he will always have you by his side through trying times, for there will be many for people in your station. Marital happiness is a gift from the Maker, but it is equally ours to create and nurture. Your One must be sure of the suitability of the match and his and your commitment before he accepts you!”

Understanding began to dawn on Thorin, along with no a small amount of mortification. How he had gotten it all wrong! No wonder Kili had reacted so strongly! “I’ve never heard of courtship between Ones,” he said accusingly as one last defense.

Almaiz patted his hand. “It’s because it’s all very private. We do not make this public until we are reasonably certain of how well we will get along. I spent a week with your father before he introduced me to his immediate family. It was a month at least since my introduction before he proposed to me. If you ask Dis, I’m sure she will give similar answer. You may also recall it took a couple of months before Vilir was announced to be her intended.”

“A week of courtship?” Thorin said hopefully.

Almaiz eyed him critically. “Well, considering your poor start, you may require a longer time.”

Thorin sighed and reluctantly admitted that she was right. “I did say I don’t love him yet, although I was- _am_ sure that I will.”

The look Almaiz gave him spoke clearly of her exasperation. “Then, let us hope it isn’t too late. Try to get close to him, though not as a potential suitor, but as a friend. He may not be comfortable to be approached romantically after your exchange.” She smiled when he nodded in understanding. “Who is this lad? Maybe I know something about him that can help you.”

Thorin looked at her surreptitiously. Their conversation had gone well so far, but there was always potential for disaster. “It’s Kili.”

She gave him a look that was amused, surprised, and weary all at once. “You’re always the difficult one, aren’t you? Well, no matter. I have confidence in you and I do like that lad. He visits me every couple of weeks and we’ll take a turn around the forest, much to my maids and the guards’ protests, but he always gets his way. He has a talent to get what he wants. Even Dis struggles to contain him.” She chuckled fondly, indicating that she made no effort to help her daughter on the matter. “He is a little peculiar but in a good way. I can’t think of anyone with a happier disposition – I’m sure you’ve noticed how he makes everyone around him smiles and laughs. He loves to be outdoors, so you may find him in a more receptive mood if you take him outside of your mountain – perhaps the forest, although he loves watching people in the city as well. That’s all I will say about him, however! You must learn about him yourself!”

“I understand,” Thorin said, resigned.

Almaiz looked at him mischievously. “Don’t be discouraged. Be persistent but not forceful. Be respectful but not meek. It may take a while, but when you succeed, you will find no one better-suited to be your One.”

* * *

Following his mother’s advice, Thorin requested his nephews to be his guide around Ered Luin, claiming that he wanted to see how the city had changed. Fili, ever the dutiful dwarf, immediately agreed, but Kili showed some hesitation. He couldn’t refuse such an important order, however, and eventually agreed. Thorin left him alone after he received the approval, not wanting to give the impression of excessive eagerness. It wasn’t difficult. He hadn’t lied when he said he wasn’t in love with Kili. It wasn’t a struggle to pull himself away from him or to function in his absence. Thorin only pursued him because he thought it was only proper to not let go of his One. Although he was now a little intrigued by what his mother had said. Could it be true that he and Kili suited each other so well? He thought he had gotten along reasonably well with Kili before his proposal. Could that good relation be deeper and more meaningful that he had ever predicted?

They left the mountain one fine morning without any guard as Thorin wished for freedom to interact with his people. Furthermore, he wanted to test his sister-sons to see how well they could protect him. Thorin often had guards around him, but he often travelled alone or with few companies. Now that he had returned to Ered Luin, he even planned to bring his nephews on his travel. Therefore, it was important for him to determine how well they listened, obeyed, and guarded him. So far, Fili showed remarkable care, choosing the time of the day when there were many activities to observe but not too many people as to pose threat to Thorin. He also decided on the route seemingly based on the level of potential danger. While he had opted to leave his double swords behind, Thorin knew he hid multiple knives on his person that he was ready to use if necessary. By contrast, Kili didn’t seem to have much care for planning, ready to go whenever his whims or Thorin’s order told him to. His chosen paths were also selected based on view rather than possible dangers. However, he was very watchful, turning very quickly this way and that whenever he sensed people coming too close and too quickly to them. Though he seemed carefree, he watched everything around him very carefully and there was no doubt that he would fight for Thorin should the need arise.

Both of them were quite popular as well, although they drew completely different crowds. Respectable dwarfs and older dwarfs greeted Fili in deference. He seemed familiar with many of them, greeting them back by name and making them flush in pride. Occasionally, he even stopped to ask about their problems which he had apparently helped solve. Thorin watched him in approval, feeling more and more certain about his plan to name Fili his successor. He was less approving of Kili, however. The lad drew less reputable crowd – half-drunk dwarfs and those who carried worryingly fresh scars and bruises. Younger dwarfs seemed to like him, greeting him with easy familiarity and inviting him to outings. Some brazen lasses even insinuated offers for more than refreshing drinks and warm meals. He laughed at them and gave his promises easily, completely unconcerned by the impropriety of his behaviors. Thorin frowned at this but refrained from chastising him in public, waiting for an opportunity to speak with him where he wouldn’t be humiliated.

Said opportunity was difficult to find, however. Kili remained at Fili’s side and while he listened to Thorin and talked to him kindly, he didn’t seem inclined to be too close to him. Thorin noted this with apprehension, wondering if it was too late to start courting him, after all. The promises of destiny offered only the barest ray of hope, obscured by his mother’s recent advice that even fated relationships required work. Thorin watched Kili covertly as to not alarm him, gauging his mood. He did seem happier today than in the last few when he was trapped in the mountain to assist Thorin and Dis, but Thorin wondered if he was in a pleasant enough mood to be approached by him.

When Fili was drawn into a lengthy conversation with an elderly dwarf with many woes and poor hearing, Thorin immediately seized the opportunity. Kili had wandered slightly away from his brother, uninterested in the loud exchange. He seemed to have no acquaintance here and had begun to look around for entertainment. Thorin quickly went to his side and tried not to take offense to the nervous look Kili gave him.

“Be at ease. I only wish to observe you and Fili to see how well you perform your duties,” he lied.

“What do you think of us so far?” Kili asked as tension began to drain from his shoulders.

“I will reserve my opinions until we’ve seen everything the city has to offer,” Thorin said, thinking it was wise not to offend Kili with his observation since he had insulted him before.

Kili laughed merrily, any suspicion of Thorin’s intention having left his mind. So quickly he forgot. His whimsical nature began to worry Thorin, who had the rest of his life in his mind. He knew it was a common attitude among youth and wondered how they might be able to bridge the gap time had made. “It will take far more than a day to see half of Ered Luin!” Kili exclaimed, grinning widely. “I’ve lived here all my life and I still find new things every day!”

“What will you suggest for me to see in our limited time, then? Perhaps we should see your _friends_?”

“I don’t think they’re the kinds of people you’d want to be acquainted with – even Fili hesitates to meet some of them,” Kili said doubtfully.

“And you don’t hesitate?”

Kili shrugged. “Some may find them inappropriate friends for dwarfs like us, but I believe it’s important to know them. Some of them have seen harsher lives than what we can imagine, experienced things never even mentioned in Mother’s office, let alone solved. I think it’s part of our obligations to help them, even if they didn’t seem the kind of people we should even notice existing.”

The answer surprised Thorin, who immediately felt ashamed for looking down on these dwarfs. He had only thought of them as criminals, problems to be solved rather than people with problems to solve. Even in his travels he kept to his peers, respectable dwarfs with impressive pedigrees or at least respectable backgrounds. He rarely ventured to see beyond this society, his interactions with the rest of his people limited to haughty nods and distant smiles. Kili cared not for this prejudice and reservation, recognizing the problem with the conventional approach. What appeared at first to be self-serving indecorum turned out to have a deeper purpose to serve their people.

“So you help them?” Thorin asked, still surprised.

“You look surprised. How little credit exactly did you give me?” He grinned when Thorin looked at him in mild embarrassment.

“Clearly, too little,” Thorin confessed.

Kili shrugged, totally unconcerned. “You won’t be the first to do so. I try to help. I bring their troubles to Mother’s attention when I can’t. She sometimes complains that I give her too much workload, but I believe everyone deserves to be heard.”

“You are right in that,” Thorin admitted. “Did you come upon this idea on your own or did anyone tell you to do it?”

“Who would lead me into this? Mother would have their head!” Kili laughed. “I found it all on my own listening to people in taverns and other places. I was intrigued because some of their stories I hadn’t heard about.”

“Very good,” Thorin complimented him, making him beam with pride. “Although I’m concerned about your methods. Regardless of what you can learn, it isn’t wise to spend too much time in disreputable establishments and brothels.”

Kili blushed a violent shade of red. “But people talk more easily when they’re drunk! And I’ve never been to a brothel! I only meet the lasses at taverns!” Something about the defensive tone he assumed caught Thorin’s attention. There was something beyond indignation over false accusation. Thorin raised an eyebrow when he recognized the embarrassment, but before he could decide whether to be amused or thrilled, Kili had continued, still red-faced. “They’re not so bad, truly, and generally improve upon closer acquaintance. And not everyone who goes to taverns is of ill-repute. Many of them just want to drink, eat and dance with friends.”

“Are we going to a tavern?” Fili asked as he joined them, having caught the end of Kili’s defense.

The mild disappointment Thorin felt at the interruption to his private conversation with Kili was quickly and easily hidden. He reminded himself to not appear too eager to be alone with Kili, who had been accommodating to him so far but still held reservations toward him. Thorin knew he still must win his full trust. “No, Kili was just telling me about his friends. Although, I don’t mind going to one.”

Fili frowned at his brother. “You can’t bring Uncle to one of those poor establishments,” he warned Kili.

“Of course I won’t bring him there,” Kili protested, pouting slightly as his discretion was questioned. “We should go to one of the expensive fancy ones you like,” he countered, making Fili red with embarrassment.

Sensing an argument arising, Thorin held up his hand to quiet his quibbling sister-sons, who immediately fell silent. “We will go to Fili’s choice of tavern next time. Right now, I’m curious about the sort of place you frequent, Kili.” His words had the desired effect. Kili looked pleasantly surprised to have his choices preferred over Fili’s reasonable ones. His lips quirked up into a smile, but something held them back. There was hesitation there, no doubt related to Thorin’s intention in favoring him. Quickly, before the question took hold over Kili, Thorin turned to Fili. “And you may address me by name. We will all work and live together for a long time. It will be much more pleasant without formality in the way.”

Fili looked uncertain, frowning slightly in thoughts of the propriety of such address. However, he couldn’t deny his esteemed uncle and king. “If you say so, Thorin,” he said carefully, looking at Thorin very closely to see his reaction.

Thorin smiled and patted his back approvingly. To Kili, he showed more reserve, not wanting to risk his growing confidence in him. “Well, then, Kili, what tavern will you suggest for me?”

Kili looked at Thorin’s hand on his brother’s back and grinned. “I think we should go to Bombur’s. It’s a nice little place – not too fancy, but the drinks are decent and the meals are wonderful. You should find it supportable!”

“Bombur’s tavern is a decent place,” Fili agreed with a nod.

Delighted by the approval, Kili quickly led the way. The roads he chose were sometimes narrow and not as safe as ones Fili would’ve selected. However, on the way, Thorin saw small gardens enclosed by surrounding buildings, children playing on the street, good friends sitting together to enjoy the day with smoking pipes in their hands, couples standing so close to each other with hardly any space between them, merchants and buyers on their ways to the markets, and even people in the middle of screaming arguments. The views were at once familiar yet not, a testament to how long Thorin had been away and how different Ered Luin was from the home he had always kept in mind.

The tavern, when they arrived there, was unremarkable though not as unseemly as Thorin had feared, a small but clean building that showed age but maintained with care. Inside, there were only a few patrons, but they all greeted Kili happily when they saw him. He was called to each patron’s side while Thorin and Fili waited for their orders to arrive. Thorin watched as burly dwarfs ruffled Kili’s hair, drunken lads pulled him into friendly hugs, and elderly miners demanded his company. So familiar they were to Kili, so easy they behaved around him, that the establishment changed in atmosphere. Thorin still looked at some of them with some suspicion, but somehow the easy way they behaved around Kili and Kili’s answering friendliness gave him some assurance of their characters.

“Kili does things that worry us sometimes, but he isn’t so thoughtless. He has never once gotten into serious trouble,” Fili said, misinterpreting Thorin’s curious stare for one of disapproval.

Thorin smirked at his anxious nephew. “Or maybe he has but he finds his way out of it.” The abashed look on Fili’s face made him chuckle. “Worry not. I have only happy thoughts of him.”

It wasn’t entirely true. Thorin still had reservation regarding his character, but perhaps he now thought of Kili as a little more than acceptable. Fili looked at him dubiously but Thorin ignored him. He fixed his attention, instead, on Kili’s smiles and laughter, his unrestrained expressions, his kind attention, and his secretive surveillance for trouble (whether he sought to join or avoid them was yet unknown to Thorin). When Kili finally returned to their table, he regaled Thorin and Fili with stories of his friends and suggestions for places to visit next (of which he had too many to see in a week, let alone a day.) They stayed in the tavern longer than planned, but though the ale was poor and the meals barely passable, Thorin couldn’t bring himself to complain.

* * *

Thorin soon learnt that Kili was easy to please. A nod, a smile, a little attention, and some kind words were enough to make him happy and win his favor. It would be easy to take advantage of this, but Thorin was careful not to. Such insincerity had no place in courtship, even one where one party was still uncertain of his own intention and the other unaware that he was being slowly courted. Thorin was concerned about the appropriateness of this secret-keeping on his part and sent a letter to his mother in request of advice. Almaiz quickly replied with reassurances, urging him to stay on his course until he was certain that Kili’s heart had softened. Thorin hoped it would not be too long until then because he didn’t think lies were a good foundation to a relationship. Kili was forgiving, but some things could not be easily put behind.

To win Kili’s heart without stifling him, Thorin called for meetings with Dis and her sons. For days he reacquainted himself with Ered Luin so that he could determine how to best divide the tasks among them now that he had returned. Dis was only too happy to relinquish some of her responsibilities and handed him many ledgers and documents to study, Fili contributed issues he had heard and observed in the streets, while Kili supplied an endless list of ignored problems faced by the oft-forgotten. Here, Thorin witnessed his nephews’ skill in governance and their love for their people. Fili was as stellar as had been reported and Kili was not so different. Thorin was particularly impressed by the details Kili managed to draw from people, even those who were usually tight-lipped before menacing guards. Perhaps there was virtue, after all, in approaching people in a state of inebriation, although he also suspected Kili’s natural charm played no small part in gathering the information.

Thorin’s (not dishonest) appreciation for his efforts pleased Kili greatly. He soon no longer shied away from spending time with him, even without Fili or Dis by his side. Still Thorin didn’t take advantage of that, treating him as normally as could be under the circumstances and only briefly indulging his growing desire for Kili’s company. Most often, he watched Kili from afar, learning about his character and habits quietly. When they did join each other, Thorin found Kili’s cheerful disposition perfectly contrast his tendency to brood, replacing his frowns and gloomy thoughts with laughter and joy with startling ease. How Kili thought of him, he dared not speculate, and he hoped that Kili found him at least half as pleasing and Thorin did him.

Patience didn’t come easily for Thorin, who was used to pushing, demanding, and commanding, but he found it easier to wait when his reward was Kili’s heartfelt smiles, a reward he received increasingly often as they grew close. He carefully bid his time, until he was sure Kili wouldn’t mind when he visited him when he was training his combat skills one day. Fili was away on an errand Thorin had assigned to him, leaving no other reason for Thorin to visit the place except to see Kili, something that Kili would no doubt realize when he saw him. Riddled with anxiety, Thorin went to the training ground, hoping that he hadn’t rushed his display of care and attention.

Dwalin greeted him with a curt nod when he saw him. Together they stood on the side to observe the new and old soldiers alike as they trained with various weapons under close supervision of battle-worn dwarfs. It was always a comforting sight for Thorin, who had lost his true home. It gave him peace to know that his people were prepared to defend themselves and their belongings from assault, though he knew from painful experience that they weren’t strong enough to fight a dragon. But, at least from orcs, goblins, man and even elves they would be safe, and that was enough for the moment. No one would take anything from them again. No one would lose a home again. Ered Luin might not be Erebor, but Thorin swore on his beard that those who called it home would never feel the pain of losing it to greed.

“Are you here to practice or watch?” Dwalin asked, never one for small talks.

“Both,” Thorin replied. “Where is Kili?”

Dwalin looked to a far corner of the training ground, half hidden by the number of soldiers. There, Thorin finally saw Kili practicing his archery on a worn target with no one to supervise, watch or practice with him. “Not many like that skill,” Dwalin answered Thorin’s unasked question.

Thorin grunted in agreement. He himself possessed some of it, but his aims were acceptable at best and he must admit he didn’t care to improve it. “How would you recommend him?”

Dwalin crossed his arms and leaned heavily on his hammer as he thought. “He is talented in battle skills, much like his brother. But, unlike Fili, he had little dedication. Fili spent years perfecting his use of his double swords; Kili spend a few weeks on a weapon before moving onto the next one. The only thing that held his interest for long was archery – I know not why.”

“So, it’s a poor recommendation,” Thorin concluded, frowning.

“Not quite. The lad needs someone to guide him, but Fili bows to his will and most dwarfs here are under his charms or respect his ancestry too much to properly do that.” The spark of warmth in Dwalin’s eyes suggested that he was one of those dwarfs under Kili’s charms. Thorin felt only a moment of jealousy before he tempered it.

“Shall I try?” he offered.

Dwalin shrugged. “If you want.”

Thorin considered his approach for a moment before walking toward Kili. He was never a trainer, lacking the patience for the role. But, he knew how to motivate and he knew very well how to lead and direct. While Kili might prove to be a challenge, Thorin believed he could help him toward some improvements. So, he carefully made his way toward Kili, careful not to alert him of his presence yet as to be able to observe him. Fortunately, the training soldiers seemed to realize his intent and only paused briefly when they saw him before continuing their activities as if undisturbed. This way, Thorin managed to sneak behind Kili as he aimed at the target with his arrow. Without seeing his face, Thorin knew he was putting his entire focus on that one distant spot, the entire world shrinking and disappearing as he thought only to aim true, his whims and his laughter forgotten as he devoted his self into this act. An urge to see that unknown look of concentration rose within Thorin, soaring when Kili released his arrow, and peaking with a quiet gasp when it hit the target.

Kili studied his aim for a second before turning around to grin at Thorin, unsurprised to see him. “What do you think?”

Embarrassment colored Thorin’s cheeks before he willed it away. Perhaps his gasp hadn’t been so quiet, after all. “Excellent,” he complimented him. “Do you care for a little competition?”

Kili very much cared for it and naturally suggested archery for the first challenge where, unsurprisingly, Thorin’s mediocre skill was no match for Kili’s perfect precision. He delighted in the victory, crowing in triumph with each of Thorin’s missed marks while silently satisfied when his own arrows struck the center of the targets. In response to this, Thorin scowled and grunted before proposing swordfight for the next challenge. Here, their skills were rather evenly matched. Where Thorin had strength, Kili had speed. Where Kili had luck, Thorin had perseverance. They attacked and defended in turn and equally well, their blunt swords glancing close to them but never touching. Kili’s smile slipped away slowly while Thorin’s lips started to curl into a smirk. For many rounds they sparred, drawing some attention that they both scarcely acknowledge, so lost in each other as they were, before Thorin proposed moving onto axes. This Kili visibly dreaded, his confidence turning into unconcealed concern. Thorin spared only a moment to pity him before handing him an axe and they soon fought again.

Thorin soon discovered that Kili’s concern wasn’t unfounded. His grip on his axe was feeble, his swings uncontrolled, his strength poorly transmitted. Now, it was Thorin who bragged his victories and Kili who scowled unhappily. Baited by the taunts, he fought and fought, but was each time soundly defeated. Finally, Thorin decided to give him reprieve and sat down beside him while he caught his breath. Kili’s hair was wilder with the exertion, his skin shone with sweat, and his breaths were loud and ragged, and Thorin was only a tad more composed – Kili might not excel with axes, but he was still a great warrior. They sat together, watching the soldiers continue to train and though the air was filled with metallic clangs and loud shouts and grunts. Yet, though before them was a view of violence, Thorin could hardly think of a moment he felt more peaceful. He chanced a look at his companion and found Kili with his eyes closed, face turned toward the sky, lips parting to pant even as he smiled. The sight sparked warmth deep within Thorin’s chest and his lips, too, curled up.

“I’m willing to call that a draw,” Kili panted out.

Thorin raised an eyebrow. “A draw? You may recall you fell more often than me when we sparred with the swords.”

Kili opened his eyes and scowled at him. “But my sword nearly hit you more often!”

“A near hit is a miss. Have you not learned that in battles? Or did your mother exaggerate your exploits?”

“Of course I have!” Kili protested. “Mother may be prone to inflating her sons’ achievements, as all mothers are, but I have never once failed her assignments!”

“I find that hard to believe. This is only training but your grip on your axe was weak and your swords glanced at me only,” Thorin said skeptically, hiding his satisfaction as Kili frowned unhappily and fell easily into his trap. “It seems to me you are only strong when wielding your slender bow.”

“I’ll have you know that excepting Mr. Dwalin, I have defeated every single dwarf warrior in Ered Luin,” Kili sniffed.

“And I’ll have you know _I_ have defeated Dwalin many times,” Thorin countered, omitting the fact that Dwalin had defeated him a few times as well.

Kili pouted, a ridiculously lovely sight that would have made Thorin smile had he not fortified himself against such charms. He studiously held himself back and held Kili’s eyes smugly until he huffed. “All right, I concede to your victory this time. _But_ , I demand a rematch with wrestling instead of axe-fighting!” Kili demanded, completely unconcerned that he was speaking to his superior.

“You think you’ll fare better in wrestling?” Thorin asked, pointedly appraising Kili’s slighter form.

“You have power and I have agility. Both are equally vital when combined with proper techniques. I dare say we will be truly evenly matched at least!” Kili exclaimed confidently.

Thorin’s lips quirked up, betraying his amusement at this well-thought out if overly optimistic thinking that he had by now come to expect from Kili. He quickly hid it by looking away. “If you say so. I’m impressed by the length you take to avoid another defeat. I hope no one here realizes that they only need to pick up an axe to have a chance to beat you.”

“Axes are Fili’s expertise,” Kili groused.

“I’m sure that will make your opponents hand over their win to you,” Thorin said dryly.

Kili grumbled quietly but was unable to protest. “Fine. We’ll have _another_ rematch with axes after wrestling, then.”

Thorin nodded, pleased that his ploy had turned out perfectly. “I have no objection to that.” He shrugged to appear nonchalant.

“Do you not wish for a rematch for archery? You may recall _I_ have beaten _you_ quite soundly,” Kili taunted him.

But, his effort was for nothing. Thorin shook his head. “I know my strengths. You have the patience that I don’t; your feet and fingers are light, mine too heavy; and you delight in the wait, while I in action. In archery, I admit you are the superior.”

Kili looked surprised. “I thought you’d make fun of me.”

“Why would I make fun of talent and skill? I know how valuable dwarfs like you could be in battles, hunting, and a variety of other activities. It is unusual and I admit that I had my doubts, but now that I’ve witnessed it firsthand, you will not have my censure,” Thorin said. “I assume you have defended Ered Luin with your bows and arrows many time, too, haven’t you?”

“And swords, too!” Kili added, eager to impress. “Indeed, I have. Ered Luin is quite safe, but there are troubles once in a while. My mother sometimes sent me and Fili to solve them.”

Thorin nodded, chuckling. “She can’t commend you both enough for each success.”

“I hope she’s less thorough when mentioning our failures! In our first few missions, the soldiers did most of the work for us and we were some of the most wounded. It was all right, though. There was nothing serious and I think some injuries are required to make one a proper warrior,” Kili said when Thorin looked worried.

Although still a little worried, Thorin tried to take heart in the fact that Kili was still beside him, looking as fit as any dwarf soldier should be. “You have quite the dedication. I hope to see the extent of your improvement in our rematch.” Then, unable to help himself, he added, “You know, most people would admit defeat to their king.”

Kili raised an eyebrow. “That’s because they fear you.”

“And you don’t?” Thorin asked.

“Is there anything to fear?” Kili countered.

Thorin huffed in amusement and nodded. “We’ll have the first rematch in a couple of days. I’ll attend some matters in the mountain in the meantime and you can use the time to recover.”

“You’re cruel,” Kili complained, though when Thorin looked at him he looked nothing less than pleased. “You may go down here whenever you work allows you. You’ll likely find me here as I currently have little employment, so I don’t mind having the rematch any time, or being watched, if that’s what you like.”

Thorin froze. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he said stiffly.

Kili laughed freely. “Who said anything about being uncomfortable?”

They exchanged a significant look and said no more. Thorin left shortly thereafter and although Kili didn’t try to stop him, he could feel his gaze on his back for a good while. It was a struggle to keep himself away from Kili until the promised time. The effort was only mildly soothed by their occasional encounters where neither mentioned the rematch but both gave each other knowing smiles. When Thorin finally made his way back to the training ground two days since his first visit, Kili was already waiting for him. They tussled heartily, trying to throw and pin each other onto the ground. They stopped when they were too tired to continue, neither of them keeping score of which one pinned the other to the ground most often, but that didn’t matter. They returned to the mountain together, tumbling onto each other as if drunken, any notion of victory and defeat forgotten.

* * *

It wasn’t so often that Thorin visited his mother – certainly not as often as he ought to. Every few months he would go to her small corner of the forest and take tea with her and once in a while he would send letters inquiring after her wellbeing and her needs. Almaiz never complained, understanding her son’s massive responsibilities, and only contacted him rarely when in dire needs or when she thought he had neglected her too long. It was highly uncommon for Thorin to visit her when barely three months had passed since his previous one, so the guards and attendants murmured and stared in curiosity when he arrived, though no one dare to voice this loudly before his presence. He ignored this and so did Almaiz, who warmly welcomed him and led him to her drawing-room. They sat quietly until tea was served and they were alone at last, just as Thorin’s impatience was testing him and Almaiz’s enthusiasm couldn’t be contained.

“My grandson visited me just two days ago, you know,” she said, peering at Thorin impishly over the rim of her cup. “To complain about the strange courtship habits of dwarfs,” she continued.

Thorin looked at her in barely-concealed interest. “Did it displease him?”

“Oh, no!” Almaiz waved her hand dismissively and put down her cup onto the saucer. “Only it confused him, the changing nature of a supposedly strong headed dwarf. The first approach, he said, was too strong, but now it was all gentleness and patience. Now it was a hopeful offer instead of a demand. He wondered what it all could mean.”

“It means the suitor has learnt from his mistake,” Thorin replied the question not posed to him, pleased that his approach was well-received. Since their matches, he had a few times carefully invited Kili to a walk around Ered Luin and he had never once been rejected. Kili was an enthusiastic guide, who seemed keen to show him every corner of the city. With him, Thorin had at first endured going into places he had in the past thought of with a grimace, then gradually enjoyed learning about more and even forming acquaintances among people he once thought of as troubles. They drank and laughed and shared stories and though no personal gift or poetry was exchanged as it had been in Thorin’s previous courtships, their connection felt more meaningful than anything he had ever experienced.

“I said just that!” Almaiz announced with an air of self-satisfaction. “Then, he wondered again what the suitor could possibly learn. This I couldn’t answer.”

Thorin had learned many things. What he had dismissed as issues he could later acquaint himself with was now familiar. He knew Kili’s characters as he knew himself. He knew his preferences and his views so well that sometimes he would see something and a vivid thought of Kili’s reactions would follow. He learned that while they had their differences, they were in some ways the same. What he had thought of as Kili’s blind optimism manifested in himself as overconfidence. What he had branded as peculiarity was in himself the refusal to easily bend to authority. What many warned to be recklessness was easily found in Thorin in his impatience. They still had their differences, mainly in their preferences and the way they brought themselves, and Thorin still had some aspects in Kili’s character that he didn’t fully approve, but he couldn’t find it within himself to strongly dislike them.

“He had learned about himself and about your grandson.” He smiled, thinking of Kili’s smile when they saw each other just that morning and how he thought that was how he wanted the rest of his days to begin, with Kili’s smiles and his excited plans for the day as the sun warmed them in their private chambers high above the Lonely Mountain. The halls of Erebor could be too cold and too empty sometimes when necessity dictated rationale rather than compassion. Kili could change that with his easy manners and the sweetness of his disposition, not only for Thorin but also for his people. How Erebor would love him, a prince consort touched by neither greed nor prejudice! How proud Thorin would be to have him standing beside his marble throne! “He had learned that, combined, they make a most pleasing prospect to him.”

Almaiz laughed in delight. “When should I expect to be introduced to him, I wonder,” she teased.

“It’s better not to be too hasty and repeat an old mistake. This confusion is a start but not the desired end.” Thorin paused. “Did he show any sign of returning the sentiment?”

“It’s hard to say, although I believe he is in a more agreeable state than he was before. Perhaps some demonstration will help,” she suggested.

“Demonstration, is it?”

Thorin was by no means shy. Expressing his opinions came easily to him – too easily, perhaps, sometimes. But expressing emotions was an entirely different matter. It was in fact an exercise he rarely took and certainly never in this capacity. He had spoken his feelings to friends and a few past lovers, but never to someone he knew and believed was designed for him. The vulnerability of exposing himself in such an intimate manner was foreign to him and, though he was not easily frightened, the thought of it intimidated him.

Sensing this, Almaiz frowned and leaned forward to hold his hand. “Do you not trust him to accept you?”

“I’d trust him with my life. I’d even trust him with my kingdom.” But Thorin didn’t know how to entrust someone with his heart.

His mother studied him for a long moment. “I’ve always thought this is how you are most different from your siblings. Frerin and Dis never hesitate to display their emotions, but you are always careful and never came to me with your troubles. I wonder if it is the trait of an oldest son – Fili is almost as guarded as you are – or if it’s the consequence of your future role, or both.”

“I always assumed you preferred my brother and sister to me,” Thorin admitted quietly. “You spent so much time with Frerin and Dis, but never with me.”

“What kind of parent favors one of her children over the others?” Almaiz cried. “No! I love you all equally! It was just that your father and grandfather occupied your time so much to teach you the ways of kings. I never blamed them, of course – I understood the importance of their lessons. But I did sometimes wish – and so I do still sometimes – that I could have more time with you.” She looked down to their hands when he squeezed hers empathically. “And I suppose your character wouldn’t allow you to be as close to me as I hope for. You cannot imagine how happy I am that you come to me about the matter of your One.”

“I can’t very well ask Dis, can I?” Thorin asked wryly. “Her reaction wouldn’t be half as warm as yours.”

Almaiz chuckled. “Only because it’s the nature of mothers to worry for their children. I’m sure once she realizes it’s just you, she will be very pleased with the match. As pleased as I am with Kili, for sure. I trust him with you.”

“You overestimate my sister’s love for me,” Thorin demurred. He pursed his lips. “It isn’t so easy for me to lower my defenses.”

“I know and I understand why. In your position, you have to be very careful to always be strong. But Thorin,” she sighed. “There’s no need for defense before your One. Not because he won’t hurt you – because he may, as life isn’t always kind – but because he won’t _harm_ you. All couples have their share of arguments, even those most well-matched. The joining of two people, of two minds, is never easy. However, the best couples, be they destined or not, are not those who are always in an agreeable mood or always of one mind, but those who never deliberately cause pain and are mindful of the needs and feelings of their partners. Now, tell me, knowing Kili as you do now, do you believe he would hurt you for his own gratification and neglect to ask for your forgiveness when he causes you pain?”

Thorin didn’t have to think very long to answer. “No, never. He is kind and gentle. He will not hurt me deliberately or fail to apologize when he does hurt me.”

“And will you do the same?” Almaiz demanded.

“I won’t hurt him if I can help it. However, I’m prouder than he is,” Thorin reluctantly admitted. “It may take me longer to admit my wrongs, but I won’t let him suffer me.”

His mother smiled to him gently. “Then what are you so worried about?”

Try as he might, Thorin couldn’t find any satisfactory answer to this question. The realization that his hesitation was for nothing started to give him hope. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as bad as he had feared. Perhaps it would even be all right. “What should I do now?” he asked.

“Tell him! Show him! Leave him in no doubt of your intention!” Almaiz encouraged him. “You two have learnt each other’s character. I believe it’s time to discuss serious matters.”

Thorin nodded in understanding. Some worry still lingered, but it was faint now. Mostly, he was hopeful. He had grown close to Kili. Some days he even dared to think Kili had started to develop some affection toward him, just as Thorin’s feeling had grown so far removed from the indifference he had felt at the start. Kili wouldn’t hurt him, at least not in the way others had coldly rejected him in the past. He might even accept Thorin and he would then be introduced to Almaiz and the rest of their family before it was announced to their people that he was to be their prince consort. As for their potential life together, the possible pain no longer seemed so terrible to Thorin after the reminder of Kili’s kindness. Of Kili’s wellbeing, Thorin was a little concerned, but he was no longer so of his own. He concluded then that he must follow his mother’s suggestion and talk to Kili about their future. The thought of it was daunting (and perhaps a little embarrassing) but Thorin believed that risk was very well worth taking.

* * *

Thorin’s plan was unfortunately delayed by an unexpected assignment for Kili. The lad was often excused from his guarding works due to his station, but the end of warmer season brought a flurry of activities and his services were required. When a merchant sought to travel outside of the Blue Mountain, thus requiring guards for his wagons, Kili was called to help and he immediately accepted. The news displeased Dis, who preferred her family close to her, and worried Fili, who knew his brother’s temperament perhaps better than anyone. However, having spent his free time sparring with Kili, Thorin wasn’t concerned at all, a reaction (or lack thereof) that vexed Dis so. He couldn’t be prevailed upon to worry, though. He asked for the details of the assignment and Kili’s preparation for it and was sufficiently satisfied by what he heard. He understood the risks of travelling, having spent a good many decades on the road, but he believed the guard group to depart, and Kili specifically, was well-equipped for any threat there was out there. Not even his sister’s demands and pleas for him to give Kili task elsewhere in the mountain could change his mind. Thorin gave Kili blessing to leave and received a grin from him, a resigned sigh from his other nephew, and days of silence from his sister.

It crossed Thorin’s mind to discuss with Kili the future of their relationship before he departed. The time he spent away from Thorin’s influences should give him the opportunity to think of the prospect with clarity. There was a risk of waning affection in absence, but Thorin was reasonably confident of the good rapport he had built. However, he finally decided against it, reasoning that there were too many things to discuss and that he should be immediately present should Kili require either further information or assurance. Thus, Thorin let him go quietly. He was helped in this decision by a preparation for an event long delayed: Fili’s official appointment as his heir. Thorin’s weeks in Ered Luin had only served to assure him the correctness of the decision he made while away based on secondhand observations and various intelligences. Once Dis had deigned to forgive him, she joined him in the planning and together they work so hard that their worries for Kili were almost forgotten.

It wasn’t so difficult for Thorin to be without Kili. There were plenty of diversions. Every day brought about its own issues to solve, its own responsibilities to fulfill and sometimes even its own entertainment. It was so unlike uncountable love songs that for a while Thorin wondered about the magnitude of his own feelings. He quickly reassured himself, however. Probably it was the effect of long decades of solitude that gave him little difficulty to be himself in Kili’s absence. He had gone for so long playing almost all possible roles for him to play but that of a lover that he wasn’t defined by his One. The easiness with which he performed his duties reflected none of his feelings or his thoughts. Indeed, he thought the mountain was less bright without Kili and at almost every turn he expected to find the lad waiting for him. Mentions of Kili made him smile, stretches of silence without his laughter made him long, and thoughts of their possible felicity kept him warm. A life without Kili was as possible as it had always been, though less brilliant somehow, losing its shine without him. Their separation allowed Thorin to see things from a perspective and he discovered his own strength and his conviction of his desire for Kili by his side. Though patience wasn’t quite his nature, he waited and hoped for an agreeable answer upon Kili’s return.

For all Thorin’s imaginings, however, he couldn’t quite prepare himself for the manner of Kili’s actual return. He was minding his duties when he perceived nervous whispers among his attendants. Upon questioning them, he learnt a most dreadful news: Kili was returning in haste with injuries from a skirmish with goblins. There was no point in trying to finish his task then, not when his heart was pounding, his blood running cold, and his mind slipping to most dark places. He barked and snapped at anyone who seemed to delay him, his nerves so tightly wound that he couldn’t control his temper. He left as soon as he could but he was still late in welcoming Kili and was shown instead to his room where Dis and Fili hovered in worry as attendants and healers put him to bed.

“Thorin! You’ve heard it, too, then?” Kili asked, looking both abashed and excited despite the blood-speckled bandages wrapped around his torso and his wince when he wasn’t positioned right.

Thorin immediately interrogated one of the attending physicians regarding Kili’s condition. The answer wasn’t entirely good. A couple of his ribs had cracked and there were some quite significant cuts on his body. His major blood vessels had fortunately been spared and quick attention from his fellow guards had prevented further damage. His remaining journey home had been swift, although the quick pace of his pony hadn’t done much good to his ribs. He had apparently arrived in Ered Luin in a relatively good spirit, which seemed promising, although it was rare to see Kili in any other state of mind whatever the circumstance. Nevertheless, he was in need of attention and the healers were most anxious regarding the state of his wounds under the bandages.

“When was the attack?” Thorin asked, heart clenching painfully in his chest.

“Two days ago,” Fili answered. “Though the location is three days away. They hurried home after it.”

“As they should,” Thorin grunted, frowning.

“Honestly, I’m fine!” Kili protested from the bed while the healers tried to keep him still to properly examine him. “I even managed to kill the goblins that did this. There were two of them, you know, and I relieved them swiftly off their heads!” he announced with a proud grin.

“Do you think this is a laughing matter?” Thorin snapped, silencing the whole room.

Kili’s grin faltered. “I just mean there’s no need to worry.”

“You’re not worried because you know nothing!” Thorin said harshly. “You think this is a game, a way to pass your time! It is not!”

Further chastisement was stopped by Dis, who looked pale but still composed enough to defend her son. “Thorin, please. Let the lad rest. It has been long and painful days for him. You may have your words with him when he is recovered.”

Thorin threw one last glare to Kili’s guilty expression before sweeping out of the room. He immediately summoned the rest of the guard team to question them about the incident. They informed him that it had come at dusk when they were taking shelter from rain in a small cave. Some other guards had examined it thoroughly before they entered it and declared it completely safe, unaware of a secret door in a corner. The attack had thus come as a complete surprise and costing two lives before the goblins were killed or otherwise chased away. The guards also claimed no previous report of attack in the area, contributing to their false sense of security, and speculated that the goblins had been driven to the area to seek food. The thought of losing Kili in such gruesome way sat heavily in Thorin’s gut. He couldn’t survive the loss, he was sure of it. He had only known the lad for a few months but _permanent_ separation (not just temporal one as they were each occupied by their own activities but one where they would not see each other ever again) made him sick. He realized his hands were shaking when he sent the guards away. He was cold when he ordered gifts to be sent to each of them for tending to Kili’s wounds and taking him back to Ered Luin speedily, and sent Dwalin away with his selected soldiers to make sure the goblins had been completely eradicated from the area.

At the supper he forced himself to attend, he learnt that Fili had faithfully accompanied his brother while the healers worked. Nothing short of Thorin’s summon managed to force him away from his post at Kili’s side. He informed Thorin at his questioning that Kili was all right although the blood loss had made him weak and his ribs would keep him from leaving his bed for a good while. The healers found no infection but they remained watchful, considering the depth of his worst injury. Once he finished supper, Fili begged leave to return to Kili’s room, but Thorin forbade him and announced that he himself would watch over Kili that night. Dis, who was worried that he planned to continue to reprimand his injured son in his poor condition, tried to stop him, but Thorin insisted. Only after Thorin promised to save his lecture for some later date that she allowed him to go.

There were a group of attendants and healers in Kili’s room when Thorin entered, but they left at a single word from him. The owner of said room himself was asleep, most likely an effect of various draughts to speed his recovery. Thorin watched Kili’s undisturbed expression for a while and fought the immense urge to join him in bed and pull him into his arms, feel the rise and fall of his wounded chest, keep him warm, and make sure no harm would ever come to him ever again. He turned away from the inappropriate thoughts and redirected his attention instead to the myriad of personal artifacts scattered about the room. There were books and weapons strangely stored close to each other, a set of hair grooming tools and a box of jewelries by a mirror, pictures of his family sitting near writing equipment and letters on a table, soft pelts from what must be his hunting trophies, and some other old curious things which must have been remnants of his childhood. There was no trace of Thorin until he found a box of pipe weed along with two pipes, one of which he had given to Kili a few weeks prior after he expressed admiration to the craftsmanship. It hadn’t been intended as a gift of courtship, but looking at how it had been cleaned and clearly hadn’t been used, Kili clearly treated it as something special.

“I’m sorry,” Kili sleepily said. He watched wearily as Thorin turned around and pulled a chair toward the bed. “I promise I won’t get injured and anger you like this again.”

Thorin sighed as he sat down heavily. “You cannot promise such things. We never know what will happen in the future.” He clenched his hands when Kili’s face was downcast to hear this, his self-loathing palpable. “I’m afraid I’ve revealed myself to be a most odious character today. I’m sorry. My feelings often manifest into something they are not. I wasn’t– _am not_ angry at you. Rather, I’m scared for you.”

Kili looked relieved. “Oh! I’m glad I haven’t angered you!”

“Will you forgive me?”

“Of course. It was just all a misunderstanding,” he said with a small shrug, giving forgiveness as easily as he breathed. “And don’t you worry! I’m home now, so I’m safe and I’ll recover eventually!” he added, gaining strength from the knowledge that he hadn’t upset Thorin.

“Nevertheless it’s difficult for me to see. And the thought of _worse..._ ” Thorin couldn’t continue.

“I think we’ll both survive any loss,” Kili said with the kind of calmness often found in wearied warriors and overconfident youths.

“I wish you wouldn’t take the issue of your life so lightly.” Thorin frowned unhappily.

“But it’s only a part of the life of a warrior. I know every time I walk out of the gates to protect Ered Luin or any dwarf there’s a chance I may not return,” Kili argued. “Sometimes a life has to be sacrificed in order to save yet more lives. I have seen people died honorably to protect Ered Luin. I’m ready to do the same.”

“Be as it may, you should be kinder to yourself. Don’t you have things that you want to do or to be? Think of the future ahead of you. Think of people who would be sad to lose you. Your mother and brother would be devastated. _I_ would be devastated.” Thorin swallowed thickly, wondering how he would survive such loss. He had lost many friends and relatives that he still mourned for to this day. But, this loss he might not fully recover from. “Just because you’re prepared to risk your life for our people, it does not follow that you should think of your death indifferently.”

Kili thought of this for a long moment and nodded. “I suppose you’re right.”

Thorin’s lips twisted grimly, the agreement only offering a little comfort. “It worries me that I can’t and shouldn’t contain you only to this mountain. There’s so much the world has to offer that you must see despite the risks.”

“Like Erebor?” Kili offered with a grin.

Thorin returned the smile. “Like Erebor. I wish I could show you how it’s truly the pride of dwarfs and how it gave me happiness and contentment.”

“You will show it to me,” Kili said confidently.

“Your faith in me is remarkable,” Thorin retorted warily.

“You have all my faith, my loyalty, and my devotion.” Kili’s hand slipped to the edge of the bed, fingers reaching toward Thorin but not touching.

Thorin’s breath was caught. He stared at the hand for a long moment, nearly overwhelmed by an urge to hold it and kiss it. However, Kili’s weak condition and their as yet unconfirmed affection and commitment kept him from it. “You should sleep. I’ll look after you tonight.”

“I find it difficult to sleep well tonight,” Kili sighed. He winced when he moved just so, accidentally abusing his ribs. “Everything hurts,” he complained in a moment of honesty, something not missed by Thorin who was by now used to seeing him trying to impress anyone who would give him the time. Pleased as he was that Kili trusted him enough to show his vulnerability, he regretted the occasion that brought it.

“Perhaps a song would help?” Thorin offered gently. He took a deep breath when he received a tired confirmation. Dwarfs sang often, but Thorin wasn’t quite the performer, preferring to sing only when the occasion truly called for it, to rouse people or to retell history as to keep it from being forgotten. But this moment, while private, seemed to necessitate music, albeit of a different kind that what he usually sang. Thorin thought of his options and finally, carefully, settled on one.

 _I tried to remember in my heart_  
_what I’d dreamt about_  
_during the night_  
_before I became aware_  
_of this moving_  
_of life_

 _I found my dreams_  
_but the moon took me away_  
_It lifted me up to the firmament_  
_and suspended me there_  
_I saw how my heart had fallen_  
_on your path_  
_singing a song_

 _Between my love and my heart_  
_things were happening which_  
_slowly slowly_  
_made me recall everything_

 _You amuse me with your touch_  
_although I can’t see your hands._  
_You have kissed me with tenderness_  
_although I haven’t seen your lips_  
_You are hidden from me._

_But it is you who keeps me alive_

When he finished the song, Thorin looked at the bed occupant hesitantly only to be struck by a look of wonder. “I hummed that song often when I was a child though I knew not the words, but my mother couldn’t tell me what it was or how I came to learn it,” Kili said.

In his chest, Thorin’s heart expanded many times its size. “It’s a song I composed when I was young, when I longed to have a One. I’ve never sung it for anyone before.”

“Oh,” Kili breathed. Then, though sleepy, he smiled sweetly, adoringly. So much so that Thorin almost went to his knees and took his hand in his to kiss it a hundred times. “It is you for me after all.”

* * *

Despite what had transpired between them, Thorin deferred from asking Kili’s hand again until he was properly recovered. He believed such important question shouldn’t be asked to someone in a frail condition and used the time instead to reinforce the bond between them. The delay wasn’t so difficult now that both of them had been assured that they were destined for each other. Instead it was viewed as a pleasant period to learn each other and enjoy their togetherness.

Thorin visited Kili whenever he could. Sometimes he would read for him but they were both just as content merely talking about the happenings in Ered Luin and the world beyond it. Thorin didn’t sing voluntarily, but whenever Kili asked, he would sing him his song. It delighted Kili and made him forget his various aches for a while, thus pleasing Thorin. Kili himself was still in no state to entertain, but he did try by recounting his experiences, meager though it was compared to Thorin’s. He adamantly refused to sing, but promised Thorin a dance when he had fully mended. The implication of making their relationship public brought smiles to their faces, their longing for the moment clear to each other.

They learnt, too, about each other’s flaws. Thorin soon revealed himself to be a difficult character when under immense stress, attacking anyone he perceived to have slighted him. Kili had to learn to separate these moments from his true anger, as well as to not take any harsh words he received at those times to heart. It was a difficult exercise to him as he was far more sensitive than Thorin ever was, but he persisted and Thorin did his best to keep from speaking hurtful words when he was in such situation. Meanwhile, Thorin learnt better about Kili’s occasionally thoughtless tendency to follow his whims, a tendency he had suspected from the start. His youth made him hot-blooded, sometimes completely unconcerned about any consequence he might face though always cognizant of what might happen to others. It was then Thorin’s task to keep him in line, sometimes with gentle reminders but other times with firm orders. Kili pouted and glared (and sometimes both at once, a combination Thorin quickly found he had a weakness for) but Thorin refused to yield when he felt Kili might jeopardize his own wellbeing to follow his urges.

Thorin’s reserved nature and Kili’s unguarded openness required some compromises. Kili desired demonstrations and confirmations while Thorin preferred to express himself in simple concealed ways. To Kili, this means he had to read small actions such as the slow shift of Thorin’s hand toward him when he sought affection or his unexpected servitude when he intended to make declaration. To Thorin, it meant tolerating and enjoying Kili’s glancing touches and awkward seductions, as well as sharing some of his internal world to a most enraptured audience. They didn’t align with each other perfectly right, but they complement each other better than expected and the necessary adjustments came as second nature to them. Perhaps this was what it meant to be with his One: not finding his identical reflection or being completed by Kili’s existence, but being comfortable as himself yet growing as a person at the same time.

Kili recovered just in time for Fili appointment as the crown prince to the dwarfs. Again, Thorin decided to defer from introducing Kili as his One to his family, not wanting to take the attention away from Fili. They attended the event as uncle and sister-son (it was a wonder no one suspected yet, though news that Thorin favored his spare heir to his heir apparent had spread wide) and drew not a sliver of suspicion, although Almaiz, who had agreed to leave her remote home to properly celebrate her grandson, threw them many knowing smiles. Thorin ignored it, however, and Kili was much too occupied with pride for his brother to notice. The ceremony went flawlessly, an unsurprising result of long preparation and tireless rehearsals. Thorin knew by heart the lines he was to speak and conducted the ceremony with ease. He called Fili forward after a speech on the long history of their family and the future before them, and named him his heir with the transfer of a symbol he had himself received and proudly bore decades ago. The coat he put over Fili was unfortunately not the one he and many Durin kings before him had worn, but the golden thread that formed a crown prince’s symbol shone beautifully on the new coat. Thorin ordered Fili to rise to his feet and the hall erupted with salutations to the dwarf king and crown prince.

A feast followed. Music filled the large hall in the Blue Mountain and was only slightly drowned by the chatter and laughter of the guests. Fili was occupied by Dain who gave him wise advises on leadership amidst questionable suggestions to neglect his responsibilities. Dis and Almaiz happily shared their observations of the crowd before them, mother and daughter as close as Thorin remembered. Kili had tried to assist his brother against Dain’s relentless attack but eventually gave in to the urge to dance and claimed any willing dwarf as his partner. He had given Thorin a questioning look before he went, but Thorin quietly declined, preferring to watch him apply his quick feet on something other than battles. Kili didn’t disappoint, performing dance after dance to song after song, looking as if he had never been injured at all. But, eventually seemed to have grown tired of the activity and slipped away to the balcony. Thorin considered his options and decided to follow him. It was difficult for a king to go unnoticed, so he had to bear small conversations with eager lords and ladies for a good while before joining Kili.

The balcony was abandoned by all but Kili, who was enjoying a moment away from all the noise to take in the fresh night air and view of twinkling lights in Ered Luin below the mountain. He turned to grin at Thorin when he stopped beside him. “I can almost hear the celebration down there.”

“Despite this noise and the distance? You have keen ears,” Thorin commented teasingly, but he quickly turned sober eyes toward Kili. “Do you need rest? You’ve danced many dances tonight.”

Kili shook his head. “I can dance many more still. I just think the night is too beautiful to pass entirely inside the mountain.”

Thorin smiled, having found Kili’s love for nature increasingly endearing. “Indeed, although it’s quite cold. I think we’ll soon have our first snow.”

“I can hardly wait.” Kili smiled, looking up at the dark sky hopefully.

“I thought you’d be upset for not being able to spend much time outside,” Thorin said, raising an eyebrow.

Kili laughed mirthfully. “There’s fun to be had in winter, too, you know. We could go sledding in the hill just north of the city or ice fishing in the river, or even spending a day in taverns staying warm! Didn’t you like Bombur’s tavern? We should go there again. They’d be glad to have us! His brother told me we bring them good business!”

Whether the inclusion of Thorin into his suggestions was deliberate or not was unknown, but it reinforced what had become increasingly solid. Soon, when appropriate amount of time from Fili’s naming as the crown prince had passed, he would bring Kili to their family to introduce him as his One. How they would react, he could only guess, but he knew for certain that it wouldn’t matter. Fate had brought him and Kili together, destiny had arranged their lives entwined before them, and they had chosen each other. Approved or not, they wouldn’t let anyone’s opinion prevail over their love, and Thorin _knew_ it was love instead of misplaced arrogance – he could feel it deep in his soul, see it in Kili’s bright eyes. They loved each other, even if the word was yet to be spoken.

“And the view is beautiful, too. I like it when Ered Luin is blanketed by thick snow and smokes come out of chimneys,” Kili continued excitedly, likely unaware of the turn of Thorin’s mind. “At night it’s always quieter than usual, as if there isn’t a single soul out there, but you can see lights from windows. And from the lanterns of people braving the cold for taverns.” He laughed again.

“I know more than a few dwarfs who think the season intolerable, but you have ways of making even the most undesirable attractive.” He smiled when Kili grinned happily. “I haven’t seen Ered Luin’s winter in a long time. I must admit I didn’t find much appeal in the season then.”

“It could be very cold and snowstorms are terrible,” Kili allowed. “But I’ll show you that there are fun to be had and beauty to enjoy! I know the best places for adventures and observations!”

Thorin chuckled in amusement. “I suppose it is too much to expect you to stay confined indoors all season. You may try if you wish, though you’ll find my mind almost impossible to bend.”

The look Kili gave him was all mischief and affection. “Well, I’m determined to sway it. I’m quite confident with my chance of success, too – don’t I have decades to try?”

Thorin’s reply was interrupted by Dis, who chose that moment to join them and eagerly question them on the success of the event. “It’s too early to say, but the feast seems to be shaping up to be that way,” Thorin told her, smiling. “Indeed, it is one of the finest I’ve seen. As for the ceremony, it was impeccable. Fili was perfect.”

“Wasn’t he just? I am ever so proud!” Dis gushed, looking back inside where Fili had finally managed to escape Dain to join the dancers. “My son is now our crown prince! Our family line won’t come to an end!”

“Dis,” Thorin objected, frowning.

Realizing her unfortunate implication, Dis quickly apologized. “I’m sorry. Of course I respect you and any decision you make in your personal life, but there are so few of us and we are so far removed from what we used to be.”

Indeed, the ceremony and the feast were so widely celebrated because it represented hope of a new generation of Durin’s Folks and a bright future. Their people had endured the loss of their home, two kings and one prince in these two long centuries. The least they could ask for was security, assurance that their hard-earned new home would not be lost again. Once, they had expected Thorin to have his own children, but this expectation had been eroded by decades of his persistent celibacy. The births of Dis’s sons had reignited some hope, but perhaps Thorin had delayed his official appointment of an heir for too long.

“And we will again be as we used to be,” Thorin said firmly.

“We will,” Dis agreed solemnly. However, the night wasn’t a night for somber reflection. The seriousness was diffused by the end of a song and the start of another, happy chatters and laughter rising in the brief lull in between the songs. “Should I start introducing Fili to some dames? I know some who might be interested – though I supposed few would _not_ be interested in him now. Or perhaps he already has a lover. Do you know, Kili?”

“I can’t think of anyone.”

Not discouraged by the negative reply, Dis continued her plans. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a wedding? It has been so long! And a babe! Oh, how I long to hold a grandchild in my arms!”

“Dis, leave your son be! He is young. Don’t rush him into such life-altering occasions!” Thorin laughed.

“Oh, very well.” She sulked for a while before the sight of the feast ruined her pretend sullenness. “I knew this day would come – we’ve discussed it many times in our letters – but I still can scarcely believe that it’s finally come true! An heir for our kingdom to look after our people! An aid for you so you don’t have to travel so extensively or work so hard! Perhaps even a daughter in-law to help me manage our households and grandchildren for me!” She laughed. “Spare me your scolding, brother, I only mean right now everything seems possible! Should you tell me now that you have reclaimed our home, I shall not be surprised!”

“Unfortunately I have no such news, so you have to amuse yourself with your designs for your son,” Thorin chuckled.

“You don’t have one _yet_! Just think, Thorin, of those green walls, halls you can’t see the end of, tunnels running deep into the earth, uncountable bridges, and endless hallways. Think of returning there, leading your people from that throne, raising our children’s children there. Just think,” Dis sighed, her mind a thousand miles away.

“I think of it every day,” Thorin confessed. “And dream of it every night.”

“It will not be mere thought or dream someday,” Dis asserted.

By the time Thorin discerned Kili’s dark countenance, it was too late to improve the air. His attempt to find out what had bothered him was stopped as Kili gave both him and Dis a wide smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll make sure Fili is properly drunk,” he excused himself with only the briefest glance to Thorin’s direction.

Within the blink of an eye, before Thorin could begin to guess what had upset him, he had gone into the hall, not to be seen again for the rest of the night. Not even the temptations of music, dance, food and drinks managed to draw him out. As Kili’s absence continued, worry turned into trepidation. Thorin looked for him among the crowd but in vain – when Kili didn’t want to be found, no one could catch even a glimpse of his shadow. Manners kept him to his seat, unable to leave his honored guests no matter what his heart demanded. The night was suddenly unpleasant, the feast empty and unnecessarily long, the chair beside Fili’s painfully vacant. Thorin didn’t understand, but he knew something had gone very wrong.

* * *

Kili reappeared in the morning, but his usual joy was nowhere to be found. He claimed it an effect of a night of feast but Thorin knew better. There were clarity in his eyes, control in his behaviors, sharpness in his mind. The paleness of his pallor, grimness twisting his face, silence stealing his voice were brought by something else. He disappeared before he could be further questioned and, no matter how Thorin sought him, couldn’t be found until supper where he took refuge in his mother and brother’s tireless discussion on the issues of their people. For the next days, he made excuses after excuses, blaming everything from exhaustion to his tasks for his change in attitude. Thorin barely saw him more than an hour every day before he quitted the room as if unwilling to stay too long in his presence. Perhaps he truly was unwilling, although Thorin couldn’t say why. His recollection of the moment before Kili’s mood soured was pleasant enough, not offensive in any way he could think of, yet his silence toward Thorin indicated that he was somehow in the wrong.

The avoidance stung, the lies hurt. Thorin had thought they were intimate friends and even more. While he didn’t expect to know every single thing Kili experienced, felt or thought of, he hoped for some explanation to help him understand. Yet, he only received silence and almost complete ignorance as if he hardly existed, as if he meant nothing to him. Thorin’s anger flared in betrayal sometimes – his innocent attendants receiving the brunt of it in fear – as his helplessness once again materialized as offenses. He wanted to help and understand but Kili offered no means to do that. He could only resign himself to the hope that whatever had plagued Kili, it would soon pass. The mountain was strangely cold without him, the air stifling no matter how many windows were opened, Thorin’s life hollow in his absence.

However, a conclusion to the silence wouldn’t come no matter how many days Thorin waited. Not even a snowy day and night provided reprieve for Thorin’s longing as Kili was unmovable from his brother’s side, denying Thorin a private moment with him. The next morning was more of the same, Kili disappearing as soon as he possibly could. After so many days of avoidance, this proved to be Thorin’s undoing. In desperation, he sought maternal advice. Disregarding the snow laying thick on the ground and the light flurry of it drifting from the sky, he arranged a trip to Almaiz’s house where he was unexpectedly welcomed by information that his mother was out for a walk around the compound. He had only a few seconds to fret for her wellbeing before his questions and worries were answered by the return of his mother and her visitor, Kili. Thorin and Kili looked at each other in surprise which gave way to apprehension for Kili and barely-concealed anticipation for Thorin.

“How good of you to come! I have just taken a turn around the garden with Kili!” Almaiz greeted him.

“In such weather?” Thorin asked disapprovingly.

Almaiz shook her head and stroked her thick fur coat. “I am very well-equipped for the cold and fresh air does your old mother a lot of good. Come join us in the drawing-room. I’ve left a fire there.”

She led the way at Thorin’s acquiescence, seemingly unaware of how he and Kili very slowly followed her. One was hesitant to go and the other keen to be close to him. Once in the drawing room, Kili quickly took a seat on a narrow chair on Almaiz’s left, leaving Thorin no choice but to take a larger one on her right. Lighthearted conversation on the recent ceremony and feast started by Almaiz did little to remove the tension. Kili’s laughter wasn’t as boisterous as it usually was and Thorin’s attempts to engage him in pleasantries were received with distant civility. The restrain after months of cordiality added another layer of hurt. Thorin wanted to cross the small yet significant distance between them to beg for forgiveness, demand an explanation, anything to alleviate the unwelcomed estrangement. Had he not cared for manners and had Kili not looked so pensive, he would’ve followed these urges, but as it were, he could only sit, watching Kili from the corner of his eyes while carrying on a conversation with his mother. The anticipation he had felt earlier on slowly morphed into something tinged with anger as the delay progressed.

A small window of opportunity to talk to Kili came when Almaiz went to change into something more comfortable and warmer. They were left alone for the moment at last with no means to deflect conversation without disregarding manners and disrespecting their absent host. However, by then Thorin’s frustration had mounted too much to allow necessary sweetness. Kili’s deliberate refusal to look at him further served to twist his words of desperation into that of demand. “Will you talk to me?”

His harsh voice drew Kili’s eyes toward him. “I talk to you,” he argued weakly.

“Not as you did before. You’ve been avoiding me,” Thorin said accusingly.

To this, Kili had no decent reply. He fidgeted in his seat under Thorin’s glare for a while before settling for a shrug. “I’ve just been occupied.”

Such blatant lie could only be properly answered with a scoff, but Thorin failed to find anything remotely amusing about it. He glared at Kili, who awkwardly turned his eyes to the roaring fire in the fireplace. Thorin prepared evidence to contradict Kili’s claim: every second of silence, the speed of his disappearance in Thorin’s presence, and the current way he looked at anything but him. He remembered every one of these, each of them cutting deep into his heart. He had never liked betrayal and this one was so personal that he couldn’t help but memorize every slight and every pain. These facts were carefully and thoroughly listed out in his mind, ready to be spat out to induce submission, but had no chance of being even breathed as then Almaiz burst into the room with the most distraught expression. Both Thorin and Kili jumped to their feet to worry over her.

“Oh, Thorin! My handkerchief! The one that your father gave me before he left for Erebor! I can’t find it!” she cried in distress.

“Have you misplaced it? Where did you last see it?” Thorin questioned her rapidly.

“Just today. You know I always have it with me.” She gasped with wide eyes. “I carried it when I walked around the garden with Kili! I must’ve dropped it there!” Together they looked out of the window to find snow had continued to fall, adding the thick layer already on the ground and hiding any object atop it from view. Almaiz began to weep.

“We’ll find it for you,” Thorin quickly assured her.

Kili didn’t hesitate to agree. Hastily they headed toward the garden, led by Kili to direct Thorin to the route he had taken with Almaiz. Unfortunately the time they had spent inside had allowed the track to be covered and what little beauty Kili and Almaiz had been able to enjoy was now white. He and Thorin searched the area in vain, not even Kili’s keen eyes aiding him in finding white fabric amid even whiter snow. It was also likely that wind had blown it away from the garden. In that case, there was little chance of recovering it as the compound was surrounded by forest where a stray piece of cloth had no chance of surviving the elements and be recovered. Neither of them liked to think that Almaiz’s precious memento was lost forever, however, and hoped that it was merely buried under the snow somewhere in the garden.

Kili’s proposal to employ the guards’ aid was rejected by Thorin, who wanted to find it himself and didn’t wish to ruin the garden with soldiers’ trampling feet. However, they were understaffed and the weather was not on their side. The layer of snow grew thicker by minute and cold winds blew to the direction of the forest. Both Thorin and Kili were protected against the cold by thick coats, but even they shivered. Determined as they were to bring back Almaiz’s handkerchief, they also must heed to their bodies’ demands for warmth. After their second desperate turn around the garden, they stopped to take stock of the snowy garden as their chance of finding the handkerchief continued to dwindle. Grimly, Thorin admitted to himself that determination alone wasn’t enough. He had to be sensible and not put himself and Kili in risk of sickness for a hopeless mission.

“I think my mother won’t be too disappointed if we postpone the search until fairer weather,” he decided unhappily.

“Of course she will be disappointed! It’s the last gift from her One before he disappeared for good!” Kili argued sharply.

Thorin looked at him in surprise and finally couldn’t hold back the question that had increasingly filled his mind in the course of the fruitless search. “What’s wrong? Let me understand so I can remedy it,” he implored.

Kili refused to answer for only a moment, looking as if he would treat Thorin to more secretive silence. Perhaps it was the stress of the situation or his own natural disinclination to deny himself or anyone anything, but he finally heaved a great sigh, releasing a puff of cloud into the cold air. “I realized I hadn’t thought of us carefully. I assumed that nothing would change, that we would always be as we are. Clearly, it’s not the case.”

A feeling of dread began to creep into Thorin, colder than winter wind and icy weather. “How do you mean?” he managed to ask.

“I know people are lenient toward me, you included. I’m always allowed to do what I want.” He shrugged, looking distinctly uneasy. “I thought I would always be allowed the freedom. I forgot to account expectations from you, my mother and our people. I’ll make a poor consort and I can’t bear an heir to secure our people’s future and please my mother.” He grimaced. “Nor am I inclined to allow either of us to endeavor to produce one.”

“From me,” Thorin quickly added. “You will find no expectation other than your own happiness. You may depend upon it.”

However, Kili was much too somber to be easily reassured by this. “You’ll expect _your_ happiness, too, of course, and I won’t insult you by assuming your indifference to our people’s discontent.”

Indeed, that was true. Thorin couldn’t think of being fully content while his people were not. It was his duty to prosper and protect his people. The desire so deeply ingrained in him that even at his most selfish moments, he couldn’t bring himself to consider put his interests before his people’s. Even now he hesitated, although the need to make Kili happy was great. “If you wish not to declare our connection, I will be perfectly happy in the private knowledge that you are my One, or any other arrangement you find supportable.”

Kili frowned. “You shouldn’t coddle me so much. It’s important to deny me. I mustn’t only think in terms of what pleases me.” He looked away and began to trudge through the snow slowly, Thorin walking beside him, looking at him hopefully. “When I think of our future, I always think of us this way: you sparing some time to accompany me and myself doing whatever I want until duty calls. I imagine you governing our people from that study in your apartment while I protect this city from any threat, and we’ll retreat to the warmth and privacy of the mountain when our duties allow us. I imagine us making a home here for us in Ered Luin. Until my mother mentioned it, I never once thought of myself as a royal consort, quietly and privately serving you in Erebor.”

Thorin’s heart sank. “That’s precisely how I always imagine us,” he admitted.

Kili nodded gloomily. “I know, while I always think of Erebor as a temporary stay, a place to visit and no more. That’s why I said you shouldn’t blindly promise me anything just to please me. What if I ask you to never try to return to Erebor?”

“Is that what you want?” Thorin asked faintly. It was the greatest dreams of three generations of dwarf kings. He couldn’t relinquish it even for his One. Further, if that was what Kili demanded, he wondered about the suitability of their match and the felicity in their future.

“No,” Kili said after a short length of time. “It’s your greatest dream and I can’t deny you that. And although Erebor isn’t my home, though I’m not as attached to it as you are, it’s the home of many of our people. I can’t take that from them.”

“Would you give up your home for a new one in Erebor?”

“I have to, don’t I? I need to reconcile with the roles expected of me. This is why I’m here to ask my grandmother about her duties when Thrain was king,” Kili explained, clearly unhappy.

Thorin glanced at the house behind them and just glimpsed his mother peering through the window of the drawing room. “And what have you found?”

“That I’m wholly uninterested in housekeeping,” Kili laughed weakly, looking dismayed with himself. “It’s somehow a worse prospect than being a disappointment of a politician. At least I have some clue of what to do in politics. The management of your household is best left for someone with keener eyes for perfection, as well as appreciation for such domestic functions. I can’t convince myself that it’s something I will grow to like. Selfish as it might be, I do strive for happiness.”

Slowly, the desired prospect they had both implicitly agreed on no longer seemed so agreeable. They walked together in silence, both of them lost in unpleasant thoughts. Thorin could see that it distressed Kili to not agree with his vision of a future for them. He couldn’t blame them. Ered Luin was all Kili had ever known as a home, unlike Thorin who had grown up with pride for the Lonely Mountain deeply imbedded in him. Further, he couldn’t deny that Kili’s words had some truth. People had been lenient to him, allowing him to do whatever he wished to. No doubt it was one of the cause of the discrepancy between their hopes and expectations. Kili only thought of continuing to follow his whims, while Thorin was determined to perform his duties to his forefathers and his people. However, Thorin wasn’t free from blame for his upbringing had prevented him from thinking of a life outside of his responsibilities and expectations, of which he had aplenty. It was simply unthinkable to him to deviate from them and follow his heart. To be content with leading his people from this colony, beautiful and prosperous though it was, as a displaced king chased away from his birthright and true home was unacceptable. He couldn’t live the life Kili wanted, but neither could he live without him.

“What if you serve in my court? Indeed, it is unconventional for a consort to do so, but we are an unconventional pair.” When Kili looked at him speculatively, Thorin continued. The half-formed idea that had come suddenly in desperation gaining more merit after further consideration. “I have seen your work and I deeply approve of it. I cannot think why you shouldn’t continue it. Our people and myself will benefit from your intelligence. You may help Fili _if_ you want to.”

“Fili knows me too well to accept my assistance,” Kili argued, although he seemed to give Thorin’s suggestion serious thoughts. “If you think people won’t mind, of course I’ll gladly do that. I’m not like my grandmother or even my mother. I’ve been raised for politics and military, and I intend to use my skills and knowledge.”

“Why would people mind leaving their interests to capable hands?” Thorin said as hope bloomed in his chest, allowing him to breathe easy. “Even if they do, you shall have my full support – not to spoil you but because I believe it is best to leave you to do what you do best than force you into a role you’ve professed no interest in.”

A look of affection and disbelief lighted up Kili’s face. “Would you do that for me?”

“Our responsibilities may restrict us from giving and having everything we want, but you may depend upon my full support in any course in life you choose to take,” Thorin declared confidently. “It is the least I can do for you.”

Kili’s lips began to curl up, a hopeful sign. Mischief returned to his eyes as well, lifting the worry that had weighed Thorin down for the past few days. “In one of my assignments, I heard a man said home is where the heart is. I should like to see if it’s true,” he said cheekily.

“It is true,” Thorin confirmed, thinking of the time he had spent with Kili, the laughter they shared, the troubles they resolved together, the contentment and safety he had never before felt. “You’ve proven it to me since I returned. Never have I felt so comfortably settled in Ered Luin before I found you.”

“Then, I will follow you to Erebor,” Kili decided. “I will be by your side as you restore it into the home you knew, a home you promise our people and myself. Whenever you decide to go, I will ride there beside you, to be your shield against any man, elf, orc, or goblin.”

Thorin looked at him for a long moment. For all his desires to have Kili with him in Erebor, the memory of Kili’s injury was still too fresh, a dark reminder of their mortality, and the road to Erebor was far more dangerous than any road he had travelled in his young life. So easily Kili could’ve been taken away from him. Even the thought of him hurting in some way made Thorin ill. His love demanded him to keep him where it is most safe, confined in the strong walls of the Blue Mountain. However, he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t fair to confine Kili here, regardless of his love for the colony and Thorin’s love for him. Kili would benefit from seeing more of the world and the world could benefit from knowing Kili. His place, Thorin had no doubt, was with him in Erebor, helping him rule the dwarf race. It was yet a dream now, but he believed that he would achieve it someday with Kili by his side. Of threats that could came from dark creatures or greed, Thorin still worried, but just Kili would be his rock and his shield, Thorin would be his, too.

“You’ll break my heart,” Thorin sighed even as he smiled.

Kili replied the smile with one of his own, the first genuine one Thorin had seen in too many days. “I’ll try not to. I’ll protect it with all my might, I swear.”

“And would you leave me with the care of your heart?” Thorin asked hopefully.

Kili’s smile turned into a grin as he lightly bumped his shoulder against Thorin. “Honestly, I don’t think there’s been a time when that isn’t the case.”

They exchanged a long warm look, the winter around them suddenly forgotten. Kili’s fingers awkwardly flirted with his and Thorin gave in to the impulse to grip them tightly. He just managed not to kiss Kili’s hand or even face. The temperature was lowering and although neither of them seemed affected by it yet, it was best to go inside, even if it meant abandoning this lovely privacy. They would have plenty later – Thorin knew Kili would make sure of it. He should feel a little more upset by the inappropriateness, but he was only excited. After so many decades spent alone and many months spent in anxiety after a poor start in their relationship, Thorin couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with him.

“Let’s go back inside before we both freeze to our deaths,” he said, lightly pulling Kili’s hand toward the house behind them.

“But what about grandmother’s handkerchief?” Kili asked worriedly, casting a look at the carpet of white around them.

Thorin hummed and gently led him away from the garden. He was delighted to find Kili pressing close to him under the guise of keeping warm. “I have a feeling she will have found it in one of her pockets when we return inside.”

Kili laughed and followed him back into Almaiz’s house. Although they had to release each other’s hands when they were within view of guards and servants, Thorin couldn’t bring himself to feel disappointed for long. For decades Thorin had waited for his One, even losing his faith in his chance for it more than once. It had seemed unlikely and the disastrous start of his courtship hadn’t improved his confidence. However, now Kili was beside him, to be with him for as long as they both could help it through not just happiness but also hardships the world had to offer. Thorin could hardly remember the last time this happy and hopeful – there had been so many hardships and so much pain in his life that he had all but forgotten contentment. Glancing at Kili’s smiling face, he was sure that whatever might come, however the world hurt him, he would never again forget the feeling now that he had his One.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing process can be summarized as deciding to write something quick and simple one day, then wondering what on earth I’ve gotten myself into two weeks and 10k+ words later. 
> 
> The “song” is Rumi’s [The Awakening](http://www.rumi.org.uk/passion.htm). Surprise. I don't use the full poem, though, so you may want to click that link and see the full version. This was supposed to be a serious story but I couldn’t resist making fun of Thorin a bit via Almaiz. Also, whatever I write next will be modern AU because if I have to reread and rewatch Pride and Prejudice again to get myself in a proper poetic mood, I will riot. There’s only so much romance I can take before I wish harms upon the characters.
> 
> As usual, feel free to say hi to me on [my tumblr](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/).


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